Paying Tribute Where it is Due

This has been a busy week.  I am just now able to sit down and write for this weeks blog.  I am at work right now and am reflecting on a funeral I attended last Saturday.  My boss from high school is someone who I still keep in-touch with, and we also lived down the street from each other my Senior year.  Her mother was older and quite unwell the past few years, and she passed away.  She was a very special woman, and I am honored to have known her.  I want to dedicate this blog to her and share with you all how amazing and strong she was.

She was born in Oklahoma in the 1930's, was the youngest of 14 children (oh my!), and she was born with her left arm only down a tad below her elbow.  She excelled in school and atheletics.  She played basketball and softball, and of all positions to have played in softball, she was the pitcher.  In her adult years, she taught physical education at the local high school (where I grew up), and she even taught my mom.  My mom loved her.  All of her students called her "Teach".

I always admired her.  She never let anyone tell her what she couldn't do.  This woman could do anything she put her mind to, and she certainly did!  She had many wonderful qualities.  She was kind, loving, hard working, strong, and spoke her mind.  I think what I looked up to her the most was that she spoke her mind.  I appreciate the fact that she did this in a way that was tough but also loving.  That truly is an art form!

I would like to share a couple of stories from her funeral service which showed her strength and love.  This first took place when she was a young woman.  She had moved away from Oklahoma, but went back for a short time.  She went on a bus and spotted a young mother and baby sitting in the back.  She loved children, so she decided to sit back there and meet the young mother.  She was enjoying herself, chatting with the young woman, playing with her child, and the bus driver said, "Ma'am, you'll have to move to the front of the bus."  The bus driver was talking to her.  There was segregation at this time, and the black people sat in the back, and the white people were supposed to sit in the  front.  Needless to say, she ignored the bus driver.  He said it for about the fourth time, and she said firmly, "I'm not moving to the front of the bus."  He said it again, "Ma'am, you'll have to move to the front of the bus."  She responded firmly, "I will get off this bus before I move seats."  The bus driver stopped the bus, and she stepped off.......... with a standing ovation from the people she had joined in the back of the bus.  Talk about standing up for your beliefs and sticking to your guns.

The second story was later in her life.  A young man spoke briefly at her service.  He was a student of hers in high school, and he was in a wheelchair.  He said that on rainy days, the students would either play sports indoors or they would square dance (she loved to dance).  When she was about to demonstrate how to square dance, she needed a student to help her show all the others.  She chose the young man in the wheelchair.  He was always so touched by her acceptance of him, and he looked up to her.  This was very touching.

One more story came to me just now.  I learned at her service that she would go to veterans hospitals (I'm assuming during the Vietnam War?) and visit amputee's (especially ones who lost their arm(s) ).  Many times these young men would feel extremely depressed, and she would talk with them.  She would encourage them with, "If I can do it, you can do it."  She helped countless people througout her whole life.

I felt it important to share these stories in my blog.  Sadly, it is very easy to forget the service that people do once they pass away.  It is up to the people who are still here to open their mouths and continue to remember and honor them. 

I am so fortunate to have known her.  She set an incredible example of how to live life.  I hope I can set even half of the example that she set for me.

Happy Friday to you and yours....

Lessons I am Learning

I feel like I have been thinking (and talking about) my grandfather a lot lately.  I think it is because he taught me so much in his life.  He taught me things not only by talking but also by example.

I found out a few years ago that the following was his favorite poem...

IF

By: Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Just this moment, I looked up at the poem and re-read, "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch...".  If you think about it (past or in more present times), and you are in a group, how many times have you (in one way or another) lost your virtue?  I know it has happened to me before.  I can think of times when people have said things or told jokes that were not very nice, and I just accepted it in one way or another.  Two of my proudest moments were when I didn't care what people thought, and I didn't go with the crowd.  One story happened in high school.  This can be an incredibly difficult time for youth, and my goodness, I certainly felt the challenges of life in those days.  There was one popular girl on our basketball team.  We were getting ready for a game, and she told a racist joke.  It touched me deeply because she was talking about a race of someone who I love very much.  I didn't look at her, and I continued to get ready.  She noticed that I was the only one not laughing.  She asked me why, and I said to her in a very matter of fact tone, "I just don't think those things are funny."  This made the girl very uncomfortable, and I think she even apologized.  It was a very big feeling of empowerment for me.  Years later, there was another time when this was happening more continually, and I did not have the courage to say anything.  The "being quiet" thing didn't work either.  I was suggested to do a "silent protest".  Anytime I heard anything that made me sad or uncomfortable, I would just leave area.  This made me feel very good.  I may not be able to change what others say or feel, but I can at least remove myself from the situation for that period of time and feel at peace with myself for doing that.

There are certain times when I wish I could shout from the rooftops exactly how I feel and why.  I'm too afraid of hurting peoples feelings and making them feel uncomfortable.  I feel like my silent protest is a happy medium for me.  I can remove myself from the situation, not hear the things that make me sad, and I can hope and pray that others will notice and reflect on the things that they say which aren't nice.

Now, I am by no means perfect!  I'm sure that I've had my fair share of times when I have put my foot in my big mouth.  What I am referring to above are bigger more specific things.  I also think I want to change my new years resolution.  Earlier in the year, I wanted to learn how to deal with stress better.  Although this is something I want to do, I don't want it to be a resolution.  I've changed my resolution to be more understanding of others.  One of many ways I can start being more understanding is, if I hear something that makes me feel sad or uncomfortable, instead of getting upset, I will try to see where the person is coming from and hope and pray for a way to help them (if I can).  

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

The World We Live in Today

I watched "To Kill a Mockingbird" yesterday for the first time in years.  This was a movie I watched with my mom in my youth quite a bit, and it was a book I absolutely loved.  I see the movie differently now than I did when I was sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I understood many of the messages in the film, but I notice even more now.  I see how incredibly important and different Atticus was in his small town.  He was not only a great lawyer, an ideal father, but an incredible example of strength, integrity, and compassion.  While watching it, I also couldn't help but notice how the children could run around the neighborhood and the town without worry.  They walked to and from school by themselves.  It wasn't the perfect town, but it felt safe and secure.  I watched the making of the film, and it interviewed people who lived in the town of Maycomb, Alabama, and they testified of how small, safe, and simple the town felt in those days (the 1930's).  I feel a sense of longing when I hear about places and times like these.  I grew up in a small town myself, and I remember walking around the neighborhood and town, but I never felt this pure safe feeling.  I always had in the back of my head, "Don't talk to strangers, etc."  Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I had those cautions because it made me aware of my surroundings.  I think being aware of your surroundings is good for everyone to have (especially women).  I remember being a young girl when Polly Klaas was kidnapped.  I was still "little" but old enough to understand that there was evil in the world.  What scared me so much back then was the very night she was kidnapped, I too was at a friend's house spending the night (which, if I remember correctly, was similar to her story).  That changed me.

I understand that even a long time ago, there were still bad people doing awful things, but I feel like things are so different now.  For instance, I live in another small town.  It is filled with friendly faces, beautiful landscapes... the list goes on, but a horrible thing happened a street away from my doorstep this last Saturday.  Two men stabbed four men outside of a wedding reception.  That's right... a stabbing.  I didn't know this at the time, all I knew is that there were sirens going off from 11pm until after 1am.  My husband said that when he went to work early in the morning, he still saw police and caution tape at the scene.  I feel weird that this happened so close to my house.  The victims survived.  Everyone is saying that it due to gang activity.  How sad...

I remember a good friend of mine telling me the following, "There is no such thing as a safe place... only safe people."  That is so true.  What I got from this is that, sadly, awful things can happen anywhere, but if you surround yourself with good and positive people, you feel safer. 

I am sorry to make this a sad posting.  I wish that the world was not so violent.  I feel like a lot of these things are happening more now because on top of the usual: gang activity, etc... there are incredibly desperate people due to the economy.  I hear of burglaries happening in homes and businesses on the news.  I saw on MSNBC.com where a man held up a front desk clerk at a nice hotel, and another guest of the hotel with law enforcement background tackled the guy and made him surrender.  The man with the gun said he was doing it because he had no money and Christmas was coming and he wanted to get gifts for his daughter.  I don't know if that was true, but this made me so sad.  These people are so desperate that they are putting other people's lives on the line.  Maybe this particular story spoke out to me because I also work at a nice hotel?  In any case, it makes me feel like I miss times like in "To Kill a Mocking Bird", even though I didn't live back then.  Has anyone else felt like they miss things even though they have never experienced them?

It is against my nature to end on a depressing note.  I must think of something uplifting to say.  I am grateful for my community and the friendships I've made here.  In the past couple of years, I feel like I have a great network of friends close to where I live.  After moving away to go to school, I didn't make many friends where I live now.  I was so busy with school and work, so I just kept my old friends.  It was sad at times because we were all spread out.  I'm happy to say that I am still friends with those friends, but now I have forged more friendships here.  A lot of this has to do with joining my church last year and getting to know so many more people.  All of these things make me feel happier than when I first started writing this post.

Thanks for reading and,

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

A Quote That Made Me Think

Last week, I was reading in one of my church magazines, and there were three sentences that jumped off of the page and into my heart.  I had such a strong feeling that I even wrote it down and put it on my mirror in my home.  I would like to share it with you:

"Don't be afraid to make choices because you are afraid of making mistakes.  Don't be afraid to try new things.  In doing so, you will find joy in the journey."  Elder Carl B. Cook

I used to have an incredible fear of making mistakes.  I have overcome this fear quite a bit in recent times, but I feel like it still lingers (I think most people can relate with me on this).  It makes me wonder how much joy I missed out on because I was afraid to try new things?  Instead of dwelling on the past, I have decided to look towards the  future and remind myself that with each day, I can try new things and find my joy.  I understand that I probably won't want to do new things every single day (how exhausting!), but if I find something which interests me, I will try not to shy away from it.  

Since I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder over a year ago, I can see where my fear (fear of making mistakes, fear of trying new things) had held me back a lot.  Now that I have overcome a lot of my fears and anxieties (and I know that it will be an everyday endeavor), I have been shown the happiness and fulfillment that had been awaiting me... and hopefully awaits me still.

I have one more quote I want to share.  It is by Eleanor Roosevelt.  I bought this quote at a book store, and it looks very plain and simple, but speaks volumes (this is very characteristic of the woman who spoke them):

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

This is something I can easily accomplish every day (maybe not so easily?).  I have this hanging on my refrigerator, so I see it each morning.  It reminds me of the opportunities to be had, and how by conquering my fears, there are great rewards that can follow.  These rewards aren't always tangible.  They can be feelings of bravery, relief, kindness.  Or it can be the fact that I just learned something new, which would not have happened if I didn't face my fears.  I feel like this has been happening to me a lot lately.  Do I feel this way because I held back so much before?  In any case, I feel so much better now.  

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

Trip to the Desert

Good morning, everyone!  I had a very fun filled weekend in the desert visiting my sister.  I know my choice of words may make it sound not very appealing, but it was gorgeous!  I was in about 70 degree weather, and it was beautiful!  I got to see cactuses, or cacti, or... well let's just say more than one cactus.  I also learned for every limb they have, it is how many hundreds of years old they are.  I saw five to six hundred year old cacti!  That was mind boggling.  The scenery and landscaping was gorgeous.  It was definitely some eye candy for me.  I had a great visit with my sister and brother-in-law.  They made me feel so comfortable, and I felt like I was in my second home.  When my sister and I get together (when any of us get together, because there are three of us), we can get pretty silly.  We had a laughing fit at the grocery store.  Only the three of us can get in a laughing fit at the grocery store at the check-out line. 

This weekend was a much needed time because my sister and her husband have been living in this area for quite some time, and I hadn't been able to make it to see them.  It was always something: poor timing, not enough money, etc...  I am happy to say that I have been and had such a pleasant time.

It is also nice to be home.  I missed my husband and it was a great reunion.  We both had the day off yesterday, and got to spend the whole day together.  People always joke and say, "You're going to reach a point where you'll welcome the vacations away from each other."  Well, we've been married for three years, and I am always happy to be reunited with him.  I have a feeling it will always be that way (I hope so!).  I genuinly love being around my husband.  We enjoy each other's company, and I feel very fortunate for that.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

My Grandpa's Garden

Here I am, reminiscing again...  I have a picture frame in my living room which has three pictures of my grandpa.  They were taken at three very different periods in his life.  My aunt gave me these copies of pictures soon after he passed away.  I have just walked into the living room and brought the long picture frame to my office.  

The very first picture is on the left.  It is in black and white, taken in 1947, and he is leaning up against a cement wall with slippers, jeans, and no shirt.  He's looking in the direction of the ocean, and he looks great.  This picture was taken on his honeymoon, and he was 27.  I'm sure he was the happiest man on that beach (how couldn't he have been?  He was recently married to my grandma!).  He looks young, strong, and confident.  

The second picture is in my picture frame on the right. It is incredibly sweet.  It is my grandpa and my dad.  My dad looks between eight and ten years old.  My grandpa looks about 40 years old.  They are out in front of their house, in the driveway.  I can still recognize the background of the photo.  My dad and grandpa each has a Popsicle in hand.  My dad is holding his up with both hands, right in front of his face, and my grandpa has his just in front of his stomach.  My grandpa is smiling, and he is touching his Popsicle with my dad's.  My dad is smiling and looking up at him.  It is such a sweet and tender moment.  My dad looks like such a little boy.... he's got his pants on and no shirt.  I can feel how warm it must have been outside.  

The third and last picture is in the center of the frame, and it is what I remember my grandpa looking like.  He is much older (in his late 70s into his 80s), and he is standing next to his basil.  My grandpa had a garden that he worked in a lot.  He grew tomatoes and basil.  They were the biggest tomato and basil bushes you had ever seen!  I remember so many times when I arrived, walking up the stairs to go inside, and my grandpa would be outside working in his garden.  If I found him in his garden (which happened a lot), I remember having a few minutes of just him and me before I would go in and see my grandma.  I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this before, but the following story is one of my favorites.  I remember when I was younger, maybe even in middle school, and my grandpa just loved "Miracle-Gro".  He wrote a note to them about how great their product is, and he sent a picture of himself in his garden.  If I remember correctly, they wrote back, and even sent him some products?  **Family:  If you are reading this, and have time, please let me know exactly what happened.  The details are getting fuzzy in my mind.**  In any case, he sent a picture that was very similar to this one in my picture frame.  He is smiling in this picture, and he's got his suspenders on with his plaid short sleeve shirt.  This makes me miss him.

I was thinking about him quite a bit yesterday and thinking how I have these three pictures of him that reflect the changes in his life.  The first one when he started out in his life with my grandma; the second one where he's a dad; the last one showing him doing what he loves: tending his garden.

May we all reflect on our loved ones and instead of being sad they are gone, may we keep their memory alive by smiling and laughing about the good times we've had.  It is good to cry, but through my tears, I try to remember how great I felt during the times we spent together.  I am so thankful for him and how he made me feel.  He always made me feel like I was important and that he always wanted to hear what I had to say.  God bless him for that.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

My Favorite Movie

Santa was really good to me this year.  I got one of my favorite movies of all time, "Sergeant York".  It's a true story about a man named Alvin York who was a World War I hero.  In the beginning of the movie, it shows him as an unruly young man: drinking and causing trouble.  Then, he sobers up, finds God, and is drafted to war.  He is a conscientious objector because of the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill."  He is denied and sent to war anyways.  During his boot-camp he is treated poorly because the officers thought that all conscientious objectors were cowards.  The officers were surprised that he was very comfortable with rifles and was an excellent shooter (hit the bullseye everytime!).  His commanding officer called Alvin into his office and asked him about his conscientious objection.  Alvin and two of his officers had a talk about scripture, and they were discussing and going back and forth about it: Alvin saying the bible states killing is a sin, and the officers saying that the bible justifies it in times of war.  One of the officers told him he could go home and for a few days to try and figure it out.  He said that if he went home and still came back a concientious objector, they would let him go home.  Alvin went back in the hills of his home, but did not actually see anyone he knew.  He brought his bible and found the following scripture, "They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto  Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s." (Matthew 22:21).  Okay, so I am still a little unclear about the meaning of this particular scripture, but Alvin decides to go back and fight for his country.  There is one battle where he and about six or seven others take over 100 German prisoners.  He thought that by taken them all prisoners he was saving more lives than killing.  After the war he came home and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.  Alvin was given so much attention, recognition, and even offers from Hollywood.  He was very appreciative, but he also just wanted to go home.  He did just that, back in the sticks in Tennessee, and was very happy.

I don't know why I love this movie so much.  I loved it so much as a kid, too.  I think it may be because when I was little I thought my dad looked like Gary Cooper (who played Alvin York).  Also, I loved the way they talked.  They were country folk, and talked very differently.  As an adult, I think I have continued to like it because I enjoy war history.  I have never read the book, so I don't now a whole lot outside of the movie.  The movie also may have changed a few things here and there, but I know they got the big important stuff right.  Before I got married, I took a day to get all of our favors for the guests ready, and I remember watching this movie for the first time in years while I did it.  Our favors were very simple, so I thought I'd be done very quickly, but I ended up watching the movie twice while I did it.  I'm glad my husband likes this movie, too, because I plan on watching it again very soon!

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...