Lessons I am Learning

I feel like I have been thinking (and talking about) my grandfather a lot lately.  I think it is because he taught me so much in his life.  He taught me things not only by talking but also by example.

I found out a few years ago that the following was his favorite poem...

IF

By: Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   

    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

    But make allowance for their doubting too;   

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   

    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

    And treat those two impostors just the same;   

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

    And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   

    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

    If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   

    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Just this moment, I looked up at the poem and re-read, "If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch...".  If you think about it (past or in more present times), and you are in a group, how many times have you (in one way or another) lost your virtue?  I know it has happened to me before.  I can think of times when people have said things or told jokes that were not very nice, and I just accepted it in one way or another.  Two of my proudest moments were when I didn't care what people thought, and I didn't go with the crowd.  One story happened in high school.  This can be an incredibly difficult time for youth, and my goodness, I certainly felt the challenges of life in those days.  There was one popular girl on our basketball team.  We were getting ready for a game, and she told a racist joke.  It touched me deeply because she was talking about a race of someone who I love very much.  I didn't look at her, and I continued to get ready.  She noticed that I was the only one not laughing.  She asked me why, and I said to her in a very matter of fact tone, "I just don't think those things are funny."  This made the girl very uncomfortable, and I think she even apologized.  It was a very big feeling of empowerment for me.  Years later, there was another time when this was happening more continually, and I did not have the courage to say anything.  The "being quiet" thing didn't work either.  I was suggested to do a "silent protest".  Anytime I heard anything that made me sad or uncomfortable, I would just leave area.  This made me feel very good.  I may not be able to change what others say or feel, but I can at least remove myself from the situation for that period of time and feel at peace with myself for doing that.

There are certain times when I wish I could shout from the rooftops exactly how I feel and why.  I'm too afraid of hurting peoples feelings and making them feel uncomfortable.  I feel like my silent protest is a happy medium for me.  I can remove myself from the situation, not hear the things that make me sad, and I can hope and pray that others will notice and reflect on the things that they say which aren't nice.

Now, I am by no means perfect!  I'm sure that I've had my fair share of times when I have put my foot in my big mouth.  What I am referring to above are bigger more specific things.  I also think I want to change my new years resolution.  Earlier in the year, I wanted to learn how to deal with stress better.  Although this is something I want to do, I don't want it to be a resolution.  I've changed my resolution to be more understanding of others.  One of many ways I can start being more understanding is, if I hear something that makes me feel sad or uncomfortable, instead of getting upset, I will try to see where the person is coming from and hope and pray for a way to help them (if I can).  

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...