Learning By Example

I want to talk about my mom this week.  I noticed that when I have written about my childhood in recent months,  that I haven't talked a whole lot about my mom.  It dawned on me that a lot of lessons she has taught me was more of learning by her example.  I am so grateful for my mom and all she has done for and taught me.  I feel like my mom is one of my best friends.  She is someone who I can turn to for a listening ear, advice, a good laugh, and a sturdy shoulder for emotional support.  I remember at different points in my life having something that was fun to share with my mom.  What is making me smile right now is that some of these things we have always liked to do for different reasons.  For example, I love taking drives with my mom.  When I was little, it was because that was a sure fire way to make me take my nap; as I got into my teenage years, it was a way for us to enjoy listening to music and taking in some scenery; and as an adult, we have turned off the radio and have some really great talks.  Another thing we have always enjoyed are episodes of "I Love Lucy".  I grew up watching that show with my mom, but now, we can have lengthy and hilarious discussions of favorite quotes and episodes.  What a great way to pass the time...

There are a couple things I want to focus on how my mom has helped me grow into the woman I am today.  She taught me the following life lessons not only by having talks with me, but by living her life in these ways and showing me how.  The first one I can think of is my mom has the best way of giving me, what I like to call, an "ego check".  I don't consider myself to be an egotistical person, but I am human.  There were times when I would think that my situation (whatever it may be) was right no matter what.  Of course, there are times when I'm right, but there are also times for me to understand that I may have a chance to learn something (aka--a nice way of saying I'm wrong).  I remember having several talks with my mom when I was in my early to mid college years, and her telling me this sentence that changed my life, "Don't let your ego get in the way".  When she told me this, I remember saying, "Do you think I'm egotistical?"  Her reply was, "No, you didn't hear me.  I said, 'Don't let your ego get in the way'."  What she explained to me is that we are all human, and we all have moments when we don't think outside of the box.  I remember in the first circumstance of her telling me this, it had to do with my feeling wronged or inconvenienced my something or someone, and by my mom talking me through it, she made me see that I had a chance to learn a lesson.  It was her own gentle way of poking a needle in my head full of hot air, and deflating it.  It was very much needed, and I thank her for that.  She has the perfect way of bringing me back down to Earth when I need it, and not hurting my confidence or self esteem.  As a matter of fact, I always end up feeling better about myself in result of it.  I am happy to say that I think I have learned that lesson well because she hasn't had to say it to me lately.

My mom has been someone who continually does her own self reflection.  She has taught me that throughout our lives, it is our responsibility to look within ourselves to make any improvements in areas needed.  When I learned that I had Social Anxiety Disorder, it was so comforting learning some tactics of how to deal with it from her experience.  She has always been there to give me gentle guidance.  I don't remember her being forceful in her approach of giving advice, especially in delicate matters.  She seems to know how to say things in just the right way to get the point across without making it sound like she's telling me what to do.  That is truly a gift.  When I was in high school, she taught me, "What other people think of you is none of your business".  This threw me for a loop.  I said, "Of course it's my business because what they think about me is my business".  She explained that whatever someone thinks about you (especially if it's not favorable) is something they have already made up their mind about, and I wouldn't be able to change it.  They were the ones who have the ability to change their own minds, and all I had to do was continue being myself.  What other people think is their issue... is their problem....  I found that so freeing.  I still have to remind myself of that from time to time, but I love that.

The last thing I'll share is something that my sister brought to my attention.  As a matter of fact, a lot of these topics came up when we were talking about them yesterday.  She gave me some really great thoughts to think about, and one of them is that my mom knows when to have the "Mom Hat" on and the "Friend Hat" on.  Whenever we talk, she knows when we need to have mom talk and friend talk.  The funny thing is that they aren't that different from each other.  She is someone I feel I can always go to with whatever is on my mind.  I think of some people who may not have that closeness with their mom's, and I can honestly say that I can look at my mom and call her my best friend.  

I know that as I write, my sisters can read this and say the same things.  I appreciate the lessons and examples my mom has set for me.  I know I don't say this as often as I should, but she someone who is intelligent, compassionate, and funny.  These are traits I hope I get from her.

I love you, mom...

To Be Continued...

So... this is yet another Tuesday where I did not get my blog out on "Tuesday Morning".  If it is any consolation, it was because I was out of town visiting family  (and having a great time).  I plan on writing my blog tonight...

Until tonight!

My Grandmas

Today was another Tuesday which as I sat down to my computer, I was very unsure of what to write.  I decided to look into an old folder of mine.  This folder has poetry that I used to write.  For some reason, I don't write poetry anymore.  I got the itch to write about six to seven years ago, and it came flooding out of me.  It was very helpful and therapeutic at the time.  Then, a few years went by  where I didn't do it very much, and recently I have been bit by the writing bug again.  I guess you can say that this blog to me now, is what writing poetry was for me then.  As I searched through my poems, I have to admit that some made me laugh because I can hear my voice from back then.  I feel in some of my writings  from the past that my voice has changed, and it is somewhat amusing to compare the two.  Although, in some of them, I know that my voice will never change.  I wrote a poem about my grandma a few years ago, and it really captures my feelings.  My purpose for this post is to profile my feelings about both of my grandmas.  Here is a poem about my dad's mom.  **Author's Note: There is one part in here where my name is supposed to be printed, but I am going to leave it blank (even though most of you know who I am).**

Constant

Ever notice how a grandparents house never changes in your mind?

I walk up those same steps...

"One... Two, Three, Four" echoes in my mind.

I turn the old knob on that faded red door.

I peek my head in with my usual greeting of "Hello!" and,

I immediately hear the usual jovial response of, "Hey! (insert my name here)!"

The first person I always see is...

either in the kitchen working away,

or...

just around the corner in the living room with an almost completed book of crossword puzzles placed in her lap.

This person is...

someone so loving,

someone so caring,

someone so funny,

someone so modest,

someone ever so constant.

This very special someone is my grandma.

Each visit is always looked forward to.

Each visit is never long enough.

There is something so uniquely special about...

her presence,

her words,

her laugh,

her hugs...

Her hugs are always overflowing with sincerity, love, and care.

She gives the type of hugs that you are never ready to let go of.

When Grandma hugs, she holds you with all of her heart.

This special woman has done so much for me by just being her loving and constant self.

"How can I ever thank her for all she has done... for all that she is?"

This is a question that comes over me from time to time.

My realization is to...

Keep on traveling up those same four steps,

Keep turning that old knob on that faded red door,

Keep on visiting...

What is so refreshing is that I don't visit out of obligation.

I visit because I long for the warmth of home.

I visit not because I have to.

I visit because I want to.

There you have it.  I wrote about six years ago.  This is when I had recently moved from an area close to my home town, to much further away to what some of my family members now call, "The big city".  I was quite homesick, and thinking about my grandma.  From when I was thirteen years old, I spent every Sunday at my grandparents house, and we would all have "Sunday dinner".  They had to stop when I moved so far away, but I missed them terribly (both the visits and the dinner!).  As time has passed, I still miss my grandma, but I now have made a home of my own.  I am now lucky to be able to say that I feel the "warmth of home" in my home. 

I am now going to talk about my other grandma.  This would be my mom's mom.  My whole life, I can remember me and my grandma being buddies.  I know that if she and I were not related; were the same age, and lived in the same area... we would have grown up the best of friends.  Looking back at my life, especially the times that were the hardest, I remember looking at my Grandma as being a best friend (even if I didn't realize it at the time).  She lived right up the street from me for most of my childhood, and I loved spending time with her.  I have three memories to share that touch my heart.  

The first is when my sisters and I were very young, we would walk up the road for a visit.  This one day she had just purchased a new answering machine and needed our help setting it up.  We got to the part where all she had to do was record her voice, and she kept on messing up.  It cracked me up because we were all together in her den, and she would make it about half way through until she would get the giggles.  We would try to be as quiet as possible while she finished it, but we, too, were stifling our own laughter.  This process took about a half hour, but it was the best half hour of the day because we laughed so hard that our stomachs hurt.  This reminds me of how much my grandma is a kid at heart.

The second memory I have is when I was a little older.  I was going through a tough time in the beginning of my first year of high school.  For some reasons (which I touched base on in a previous post), there was a girl in my group of friends who told everyone not to be friends with me anymore.  These other friends followed her lead and example.  This can be one of the most painful things a teenage girl can go through.  It is important for a young person to feel the sense of belonging, and it was something I did not have.  There was one part of my school day that was becoming unbearable: lunchtime.  Our lunch period was a total of forty-five long minutes.  I tried to make other friends, but it was so difficult.  I was very sad.  One day, I had an idea.  Our school had what is called "open campus", and this means that during lunchtime, the students could leave the campus.  I was hoping to ask my grandma to come and get me every day for lunch so that I can spend that time at her house, but then she would have to bring me back.  I was afraid to ask her.  I wasn't afraid of her saying "No" because she didn't want to.  I was afraid because she may have been too busy.  My grandma had  a lot of commitments and spent a lot of her days in and out of the house.  I knew that she would feel bad if she couldn't, but I bit the bullet and asked her anyways.  Her response, to this day, brings me a sense of comfort... "Of course... what time do I pick you up?"  My grandma came every day... every single day... to bring me to her home for lunch.  Each day I got a respite from my anxiety at school.  Soon after, I made new friends and felt so much better, but I still would go to my grandma's for lunch... every day.

My last memory of her was when I was younger.  There are a lot of things my grandma has taught me, but I think the most important thing would be this: The power of prayer.  My grandma is a very religious and spiritual person.  With whatever cards had been dealt  to her, her faith never wavered.  You see... my grandma was a very good writer.  She was featured in the "Letters to the Editor" in her local newspaper quite frequently.  She definitely had a way with words and felt it was her duty to share them.  I remember being with her when she would run into people in town and they would give her all sorts of support and accolades about her most recent write-up.  I feel like I have her spirit of writing coursing through my veins.  I, too, wrote letters to the editor of certain topics which I felt the need to be presented.  It felt very freeing to know that my voice was heard and that others felt the same way I did.  The following story is something my grandma shared with me once, about the power of prayer.... My grandma was asked by a friend to write a little poem on a friends cake.  It was for some occasion which I cannot remember, but my grandma (always willing to help) said "Yes".  She went home, sat down, and realized that although she could write, she had never rhymed before.  She couldn't think of a single thing.  She then turned to God and asked  for His help.  She asked Him to help her think of a rhyme for her friend.  Shortly after that, she went for a little walk down the road.  It was then that she felt her brain open up and a thought dropped in.  Out of the blue she said a rhyme.  It had nothing to do with her friend, but she indeed said a rhyme.  Then, she said another, and another, and another.  She quickly went home and wrote them all down.  Later, she then thought of a very nice one for her friend, but from that day on... my grandma could write the most precious poems and rhymes.  She even showed me a book of them with little pictures she pasted in them.  It was with this story (and others she has shared with me) that I learned the power of prayer.  She taught me that if there is a problem you can't figure out or if you need help with something, just pray.  I am a firm believer that her prayer was answered because of her unyielding faith.  I now realizing that my strong faith was learned by example.

Looking back at this post, I see that I have written considerably more of one grandma.  I must share that this is not because I like her more.  I love them both very much.  When I write these posts, I let my mind run and my typing fingers try to keep up.  In today's post, my mind thought of a lot of specifics of one of my grandma's.  I admire them both.  They are both strong women who have showed me through example many life lessons.  I may pick up where I left of next week, but until then...

Happy Tuesday to you and yours....

Happy Sister's Day?

I know we have a "Mother's Day" and a "Father's Day", but is there such a thing as a "Sister's Day?"  With all of the holidays we have, I am sure there must be a calendar out there that has a "Sister's Day" on it, but in case there is not, I am a firm believer that there should be one.  In just a few weeks past, I had the delight of spending time with my sisters.  I am the youngest of three, and we are geographically spread out these days, so it is a true treasure when we can all three be together.  There was one full day of us having fun... and we sure did!  The first thing we did was go to a bagel shop and have breakfast.  We talked and laughed, and laughed, and laughed some more!  We were having such a good time that the owner of the shop walked over and with free snacks in hand and commented on how nice it was to see people having so much fun.  We later got pedicures, went to the beach, had a nice lunch, and ended the night with a BBQ.  I am very grateful for our relationship.  We each have our strengths, desires, and paths.  Although we are each different and unique, we always seem to be going in the same direction in our lives.   I feel very blessed to call them more than sisters... to call them "friends".  This reminds me of a memory that sticks out very sharply in my mind from my youth.  When I was very little, my dad told all of us, "You see each other right now?  You are looking at your best friends.  Friends will come and go in your lives, but your sisters will always be your best friends."  I remember when we all heard this, we responded with a lot of "No ways", and "Nah's..." and the like.  We didn't realize that this would really be the case.  I saw this a lot in my life, especially during my adolescence.  This was a time when our family was going  through a rocky time, and on top of that, the circle of friends I had began to ignore me because they followed an example of another.  I was quite sad at the time, but it brought me comfort knowing that my sisters were my friends.  They were both off at college, and I called them often.  I missed them then, but I was happy because I still got to see them very often.  As the years went on, I relied on them for advice and friendship.  Now that we are all adults, there is a feeling of comfort I have.  I know that we don't get to be around each other very much, but I also know that all I have to do is pick up the phone, and it's like they're in the next room.   I know that I miss them, but I'm never sad because when we talk, it's as if  no time has passed.  I know that we have a friendship that will never break.  It's nice to use the word "never" in a positive place, isn't it?  

We now all live our own lives and in different areas far from each other.  It makes me feel good to know that no matter how far we are or how long it has been since we had seen each other, that when we do connect, it's as if only one day has gone by.  Who knew that my dad would be so right?  I sure feel lucky...

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

Witnessing Positive Attitudes

Do you ever think about when you get old?  I don't want this to be a question you ask yourself with a depressed feeling, but seriously, does it cross your mind?  The reason I pose this question is because this weekend my husband and I made a trip to visit his grandfather who lives a couple states away.  We had a really great trip.  We were able to spend some great quality time with him and take little (easy) field trips.  He lives in a very nice facility... one that I hope I would be able to live in if I ever am in his position.  We went to his facility several times this past weekend, and I had the opportunity to scan the room at all the faces there.  Although they had wrinkles on their faces, difficulty walking, difficulty in remembering... I found myself thinking, "What were they like when they were my age?  What were their lives like?  What were their dreams and aspirations?  Did they ever think of how they would be when they were old?"  There was also a church service we attended on Sunday on the property, and I feel like most of the residents were there.  We showed up right on time and had to sit in the back!  It was very nice to see.  This is when I had the most time to reflect and wonder who they are.  Every time my husband and I arrived, we had the residents saying, "Hello" with big smiles; we had people introducing themselves to us.  One sweet woman said to us this morning, "Good Morning!  How was the wedding?!"  I smiled and said in a really friendly tone, "Oh... we didn't go to a wedding this weekend."  She smiled and said, "Oh, I thought you were here for a wedding..." then she went on her merry way.  One sweet thing I witnessed was an interaction with a resident and a young girl who works there.  I would say that the resident was in her nineties, and the young worker who was in the dining room had to be in her early twenties.  The young worker stopped, sat at the table, and just talked to her.  She talked to her like she was a regular person... not like she was an old person.  She asked her about her day, what she watches on television... things that we all talk about.  The young girl told her how she watches "Jersey Shore", and even taught the resident "Bones".  Now, for those of you who might not know what this is, it's when two people put one of their hands in a fist and bump fists with each other.  The resident got such a kick out of this!  I saw it again this morning, and she smiled so big and bright.  It was such a sweet sight.  I am sure that these people who work there help keep the residents feel young and valued.  I certainly hope so.

The main reason for our trip this weekend was to visit my husband's grandfather.  We had such a great time with him.  I am so happy and impressed with his attitude.  He remains positive in his demeanor and grateful for his blessings.  I am very happy to have been a part of this trip, and he is such a sweet man.  I am glad I know him and can call him "family".

Right now I am listening to James Taylor and these lyrics are playing right now:

Shower the people you love with love

Show them the way that you feel

I felt like sharing those lyrics.  It just seems really nice, doesn't it?

As it has been a busy weekend (and since it is early, early Tuesday morning... yes... I will be busy when I wake up), I decided to write the blog and post it in the wee hours this Tuesday morning.  I hope you enjoyed reading about my feelings from this past weekend.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

Bloom Where You're Planted

I have had this saying in my head since I was a little  girl.  There is a fun memory of how it came to be.  I went to a bridal shower for a family friend with my mom years ago when I was 12 years old.  The highlight of the party was that I got to play with my cousin who is five years younger than I am.  We have always had so much fun together.  At this bridal shower, there was a game.  Everyone received a clothes pin.  Anytime a lady was caught crossing her legs, another party member could go and steal her clothes pin (and all the ones she collected thus far).  Now, at this party, none of the women really took it seriously, but my cousin and I (being the only two children there) were on the prowl!  We wiped all those ladies out!  In the meantime, we were getting so into it that I remember my cousin getting mad at me that I had more pins than she did.  Since we both collected so many, we both got a prize.  My prize was a coffee cup.  It had a little girl on it.  She was in her garden in the mud, and I believe the cup had two sayings on it.  I remember one of them being the title of my blog today, "Bloom where you're planted".  Being such a young girl, I never knew what that meant, and quite frankly, I didn't really care.  All I cared about was the funny memory attached to it.  I am also glad to report that my cousin and I were fast friends once again after that afternoon, and we have remained close ever since.  This makes me smile.

I want to share with you a note that I carry in my purse.  A couple of months ago, I was visiting with my grandma.  I stayed the night at her house.  In her living room, I came across an autograph book which belonged to my grandpa.  This autograph book is kind of like a yearbook, but he used the same book from his childhood until he was eighteen.  There were several notes I fell upon in his book that I loved so much that I copied them by my own hand.  Some are so precious and close to my heart.  He not only had his classmates sign it, but his family as well.  Here is a note I want to share that my grandpa's uncle wrote to him.  I decided I want to live my life this way.  Here it is:

Whatever you do

Do with your might

Things done by halves

Are never done right

I love that.... so true, isn't it?

I am going to say the title of my blog once again, "Bloom where you're planted".  That means so much more to me now.  I find myself at times in a rush to do things, go places, be in a certain state of mind.  This saying came to my mind a few days ago, and it reminded me to be content and satisfied with where I am.  It reminded me to not look ahead so much and worry and plan my life away.  This almost sounds like a continuation of my blog post from last week, doesn't it?  I think it is important for me to remember where I am.  I need to not focus on where I want to be and then worry about when I'm going to get there.  This doesn't happen to me very much, but these feelings will sneak up on me from time to time.  This saying is also like another one I remember.  It is a very simple one, yet it makes me reflect just as much, "Wherever you are... there you are."  I remember last year my husband and I went on a trip.  I was having lots of issues with my anxiety during that time, and I thought back to a paper weight at my home that said, "Home is where you're heart is."  This is another very common saying we all have heard, but it made me think, "Where is my heart?"  I then realized that my heart is with my husband, and no matter where I am, as long as we're together... I'm home.  We both went on an amazing trip to Italia last October.  It was a wonderful experience.  Any time I felt nervous about the language barrier and my anxiety would rise, I would remember, "Home is where you're heart is."  I would think of my husband by my side and feel like I was home.

What makes you feel like you're home when you're away from home?

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

Planner

No, I'm not talking about the little notebook you may have to schedule your week.  I am talking about a personality trait.  I am talking about a trait I posses.  I am very much, what I like to call, "A recovering planner."  My life consisted of me planning things out: from day to day things, to what time I need to be on the road and back home again, to entire vacations.  Now, I am not saying this is a bad thing.  I still do some of these things.  What I am about to write about is what I have learned by loosening the reigns on my "I need to plan everything attitude."

I'm going to talk about why I wanted to plan out vacations.  I would get excited about where my husband and I would go.  I would research and say to myself, "This looks fun, so does that, and Ooo!  We would love this!"  Then upon arrival, we would be on a time schedule.  We would have fun, but always seemed too conscious of our watches.  When I was little, my family and I took two trips every year.  We went to the mountains and went camping and fishing, and we would go to the ocean and spend a few days there.  A lot of the times, we did the same things and went to the same places.  This was not at all a drag.  We would have so much fun that we would look forward to going back the next year and doing those same things.  I have very fond memories of those times.  I think it's great to revisit places when you have kids because the whole family gets to see and spend time doing things you all love.  It's like a tradition.  Now, how this affected me was that as I got older, I wanted to plan everything.  Now, my husband is not much of a planner.  As he is reading this, I can see him smiling about what on Earth I am going to write next.  Although I liked to plan most of our special outings and activities, he was the one who gently suggested that we only plan the first two days of our honeymoon and just see where the road takes on the rest.  This was very exciting to me and a little nerve wracking.  I was nervous about the following, "What if we don't find a place to stay one night?" etc...  I am happy to report that it was the BEST trip!  We got to go places, see things, find activities that we would have never found if it was a planned trip.  I loved it!  I have been trying to incorporate this practice and idea into my life.

You may be asking yourself, "You can't just not plan for the rest of your life!"  You would be absolutely right.  There are some things that are very important to plan, such as: retirement, money management, all those important things that have to do with health and survival.  I am very grateful for, what I like to call, my "planning trait".  There were things I planned that I wanted to complete which I did, such as, graduating high school, going to college, getting a job while both in high school and college,  getting my diploma, living in an area I love.  I have done all these things (and then some).  I was going to write, "Marry a good man," but even a planner should know that is something you really can't plan... even if you want to!  But, I can scratch that one off my list, too. 

Different people are planners for different reasons.  In my last blog post, you learned that I have Social Anxiety Disorder.  I have learned that people with anxiety often times like to be prepared for what comes their way, but more so than a person who doesn't suffer from anxiety.  I am trying to learn and cultivate a way of life that lets me, again, loosen the reigns on my planning, and let life happen.  I am trying to not feel like I have control over things which I don't.  I am trying to find a healthy balance where I can try to prepare for whatever life may bring and not try to plan it.  With that thought, I must also understand that there are some things I will not be able to prepare for, and when those things happen, I must remember that I will still be okay.

Wish me luck....

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...