Pride

I have been sitting at my desk, staring at this computer screen for about ten minutes, and just "blank" about what I want to write.  It's like there is a Rolodex in my mind, and every time I think about something I want to write, I would say, "Nah, not that.  Nope, not that one either.  Maybe that one next week."  As I was looking about the room, my eyes fell upon my college diploma hanging on my wall.  I decided I want to talk about that.   

Remember in my last post I talked about gratitude?  There is something that I have always felt grateful for during my college career since "Day 1".  I have felt extremely grateful for the fact that I was able to go to college.  Even as a college freshman, I recognized how lucky I was to be living in the country I live, and living in the time frame I live in.  I live in a country where anyone can get an education.  I live in a country where even if you don't have the money, you can pay back the money when you are all finished.  I live in a country where a woman can get an education.  I remember walking on campus my first year of college and feeling privileged to be there.  I thought of the women in our history who had made so many sacrifices in their lives for their rights, and the rights of their fellow sisters, and future daughters.  I felt so free.

As time went on, I had to remind myself of those feelings.  There were some semesters that were incredibly difficult, and it seemed like I wasn't even getting close to graduating.  There was one time I was driving, and I thought to myself, "I feel like I am going to be a Junior forever."  I felt like becoming a Senior was never going to happen, and that I would never graduate.  I actually had the serious thought about quitting school.  I was very fed up with a lot of it.  It was such hard work: I was working and going to school, both full time, and I was commuting everywhere.  I was feeling very sorry for myself.  I was having a big pity party.  As I was driving, a memory came flooding back to me.  I remember in my first year of college, I went to my grandparents house for dinner one Sunday night.  These are the same grandparents from my first posting.  It was just me and my grandma and my grandpa.  My grandpa was talking to me and we were still sitting at the dinner table.  He told me how proud he was of me that I was going to school.  He said how proud he was of all his grand kids who had gone to school and finished, the ones who were currently in school, and for the ones who were planning on attending after high school (we are talking about a lot of grandchildren).  As he said this, I remember him saying, "I am so proud of you."  As he was saying all of this, I took notice that he was getting misty eyed and choked up.  This stuck out in my mind because I was not expecting this at all.  Now, fast forward to me back in my car on my drive, contemplating quitting college.  I thought about my grandpa.  He lived in a time where if someone wanted to get a college education, they had to pay for it all themselves.  There were no student loans.  My grandpa worked very hard all of his life and did not have the opportunity to go to college.  He expressed how great it was that people can now go to school and pay it back through loans.  My grandpa lost his father to pneumonia as a young child (being six or seven years old), and his dear mother never remarried.  It was just him, his brother, and his mom.  My grandpa started working at a very young age.  He was also incredibly bright.  He even skipped the second grade.  So, as I am contemplating this, I thought, "Here was a man who would have loved to go to college, but he lived in a time where it was very hard to.  He also lived in a time where a war started, and I'm sure that made it even more difficult.  And, here I am, thinking about quitting because it is hard."  I realized that he was a strong motivator and inspiration to me.  As the years went on in my college career, and I experienced more hardship, I would remember that particular memory and think about my grandpa and his life.  I thought about him many-a-night when I wanted to give up on an assignment or a project, and I found the motivation to complete it.  I wish I could thank him for his example and our Sunday dinner talk that one night.  Since he has passed on, I will thank him right here... Grandpa, thank you for saying you were proud of me.  Those words have stuck with me through these years and have motivated me to live my dream, and it has taught me not to give up.  I got my diploma.  It hangs on my wall, and many-a-time, I look at it, I think of you.  I thank you for your inspiration and love.

As time went on, I found support and inspiration from others around me as well: My husband, my family, my friends, my co-workers.  I finally finished and graduated in May of 2009.  There were a lot of people graduating, and I learned that our graduating class was the largest most diverse class the university had ever had.  I felt proud.  While sitting at my graduation, I remember sitting next to a nice girl.  She said something that made me think.  She said, "With so many people graduating, it makes me feel less special... like anyone can do it."  I thought about what she said, and I disagreed.  I thought about how wonderful it was to see so many people graduating.  It is a dream come true for so many, not just the graduates, but for the loved ones of the graduates as well.  I remember throughout my college career thinking how getting a degree would get me a really great paying job.  I also happened to graduate when our country was in a deep recession.  I then realized how my degree was not something I wanted to use to get a job.  It meant so much more to me then that.  It meant that I proved to myself that I could finish something I put my mind to.  It meant that no matter what happens in my life, no one, nothing, can ever take my education away from me.  It is mine.  I earned it.  I treasure it.

There is a quote that I remember from a great movie, "A League of Their Own".  Tom Hanks is a coach of an all girls baseball team during WWII.  The best player leaves the team when the season is not quite done because her husband comes home from the war.  The coach asks her why she is leaving when the season is almost over?  She replies, "It just got too hard."  He replies with, "It's supposed to be hard.  If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it.  The hard is what makes it great."  I apply that to my life in regards to how I feel about getting my college degree.  It was a long journey, but I am glad I did it.  My sister gave me a card for my graduation with a quote from Lao Tse, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step."  That can be applied to anyone in their life endeavors. 

I know that the word "pride" can be used in both good and bad contexts.  I want this post to sound "prideful" in the best most positive sense of the word.  May we all be proud of our accomplishments.  For me it is my degree, but for others it can be completely different things.  Maybe you set your mind to learn something and completed it.  Maybe you have a wonderful skill that you have harnessed and now you can share it with others. Maybe you want to learn something new and you are just beginning. 

May we all be proud of ourselves and feel good about who we are, where we live, and the lives we lead.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...