The World We Live in Today

I watched "To Kill a Mockingbird" yesterday for the first time in years.  This was a movie I watched with my mom in my youth quite a bit, and it was a book I absolutely loved.  I see the movie differently now than I did when I was sixteen.  When I was sixteen, I understood many of the messages in the film, but I notice even more now.  I see how incredibly important and different Atticus was in his small town.  He was not only a great lawyer, an ideal father, but an incredible example of strength, integrity, and compassion.  While watching it, I also couldn't help but notice how the children could run around the neighborhood and the town without worry.  They walked to and from school by themselves.  It wasn't the perfect town, but it felt safe and secure.  I watched the making of the film, and it interviewed people who lived in the town of Maycomb, Alabama, and they testified of how small, safe, and simple the town felt in those days (the 1930's).  I feel a sense of longing when I hear about places and times like these.  I grew up in a small town myself, and I remember walking around the neighborhood and town, but I never felt this pure safe feeling.  I always had in the back of my head, "Don't talk to strangers, etc."  Don't get me wrong, I am glad that I had those cautions because it made me aware of my surroundings.  I think being aware of your surroundings is good for everyone to have (especially women).  I remember being a young girl when Polly Klaas was kidnapped.  I was still "little" but old enough to understand that there was evil in the world.  What scared me so much back then was the very night she was kidnapped, I too was at a friend's house spending the night (which, if I remember correctly, was similar to her story).  That changed me.

I understand that even a long time ago, there were still bad people doing awful things, but I feel like things are so different now.  For instance, I live in another small town.  It is filled with friendly faces, beautiful landscapes... the list goes on, but a horrible thing happened a street away from my doorstep this last Saturday.  Two men stabbed four men outside of a wedding reception.  That's right... a stabbing.  I didn't know this at the time, all I knew is that there were sirens going off from 11pm until after 1am.  My husband said that when he went to work early in the morning, he still saw police and caution tape at the scene.  I feel weird that this happened so close to my house.  The victims survived.  Everyone is saying that it due to gang activity.  How sad...

I remember a good friend of mine telling me the following, "There is no such thing as a safe place... only safe people."  That is so true.  What I got from this is that, sadly, awful things can happen anywhere, but if you surround yourself with good and positive people, you feel safer. 

I am sorry to make this a sad posting.  I wish that the world was not so violent.  I feel like a lot of these things are happening more now because on top of the usual: gang activity, etc... there are incredibly desperate people due to the economy.  I hear of burglaries happening in homes and businesses on the news.  I saw on MSNBC.com where a man held up a front desk clerk at a nice hotel, and another guest of the hotel with law enforcement background tackled the guy and made him surrender.  The man with the gun said he was doing it because he had no money and Christmas was coming and he wanted to get gifts for his daughter.  I don't know if that was true, but this made me so sad.  These people are so desperate that they are putting other people's lives on the line.  Maybe this particular story spoke out to me because I also work at a nice hotel?  In any case, it makes me feel like I miss times like in "To Kill a Mocking Bird", even though I didn't live back then.  Has anyone else felt like they miss things even though they have never experienced them?

It is against my nature to end on a depressing note.  I must think of something uplifting to say.  I am grateful for my community and the friendships I've made here.  In the past couple of years, I feel like I have a great network of friends close to where I live.  After moving away to go to school, I didn't make many friends where I live now.  I was so busy with school and work, so I just kept my old friends.  It was sad at times because we were all spread out.  I'm happy to say that I am still friends with those friends, but now I have forged more friendships here.  A lot of this has to do with joining my church last year and getting to know so many more people.  All of these things make me feel happier than when I first started writing this post.

Thanks for reading and,

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

A Quote That Made Me Think

Last week, I was reading in one of my church magazines, and there were three sentences that jumped off of the page and into my heart.  I had such a strong feeling that I even wrote it down and put it on my mirror in my home.  I would like to share it with you:

"Don't be afraid to make choices because you are afraid of making mistakes.  Don't be afraid to try new things.  In doing so, you will find joy in the journey."  Elder Carl B. Cook

I used to have an incredible fear of making mistakes.  I have overcome this fear quite a bit in recent times, but I feel like it still lingers (I think most people can relate with me on this).  It makes me wonder how much joy I missed out on because I was afraid to try new things?  Instead of dwelling on the past, I have decided to look towards the  future and remind myself that with each day, I can try new things and find my joy.  I understand that I probably won't want to do new things every single day (how exhausting!), but if I find something which interests me, I will try not to shy away from it.  

Since I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder over a year ago, I can see where my fear (fear of making mistakes, fear of trying new things) had held me back a lot.  Now that I have overcome a lot of my fears and anxieties (and I know that it will be an everyday endeavor), I have been shown the happiness and fulfillment that had been awaiting me... and hopefully awaits me still.

I have one more quote I want to share.  It is by Eleanor Roosevelt.  I bought this quote at a book store, and it looks very plain and simple, but speaks volumes (this is very characteristic of the woman who spoke them):

"Do one thing every day that scares you."

This is something I can easily accomplish every day (maybe not so easily?).  I have this hanging on my refrigerator, so I see it each morning.  It reminds me of the opportunities to be had, and how by conquering my fears, there are great rewards that can follow.  These rewards aren't always tangible.  They can be feelings of bravery, relief, kindness.  Or it can be the fact that I just learned something new, which would not have happened if I didn't face my fears.  I feel like this has been happening to me a lot lately.  Do I feel this way because I held back so much before?  In any case, I feel so much better now.  

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

Trip to the Desert

Good morning, everyone!  I had a very fun filled weekend in the desert visiting my sister.  I know my choice of words may make it sound not very appealing, but it was gorgeous!  I was in about 70 degree weather, and it was beautiful!  I got to see cactuses, or cacti, or... well let's just say more than one cactus.  I also learned for every limb they have, it is how many hundreds of years old they are.  I saw five to six hundred year old cacti!  That was mind boggling.  The scenery and landscaping was gorgeous.  It was definitely some eye candy for me.  I had a great visit with my sister and brother-in-law.  They made me feel so comfortable, and I felt like I was in my second home.  When my sister and I get together (when any of us get together, because there are three of us), we can get pretty silly.  We had a laughing fit at the grocery store.  Only the three of us can get in a laughing fit at the grocery store at the check-out line. 

This weekend was a much needed time because my sister and her husband have been living in this area for quite some time, and I hadn't been able to make it to see them.  It was always something: poor timing, not enough money, etc...  I am happy to say that I have been and had such a pleasant time.

It is also nice to be home.  I missed my husband and it was a great reunion.  We both had the day off yesterday, and got to spend the whole day together.  People always joke and say, "You're going to reach a point where you'll welcome the vacations away from each other."  Well, we've been married for three years, and I am always happy to be reunited with him.  I have a feeling it will always be that way (I hope so!).  I genuinly love being around my husband.  We enjoy each other's company, and I feel very fortunate for that.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

My Grandpa's Garden

Here I am, reminiscing again...  I have a picture frame in my living room which has three pictures of my grandpa.  They were taken at three very different periods in his life.  My aunt gave me these copies of pictures soon after he passed away.  I have just walked into the living room and brought the long picture frame to my office.  

The very first picture is on the left.  It is in black and white, taken in 1947, and he is leaning up against a cement wall with slippers, jeans, and no shirt.  He's looking in the direction of the ocean, and he looks great.  This picture was taken on his honeymoon, and he was 27.  I'm sure he was the happiest man on that beach (how couldn't he have been?  He was recently married to my grandma!).  He looks young, strong, and confident.  

The second picture is in my picture frame on the right. It is incredibly sweet.  It is my grandpa and my dad.  My dad looks between eight and ten years old.  My grandpa looks about 40 years old.  They are out in front of their house, in the driveway.  I can still recognize the background of the photo.  My dad and grandpa each has a Popsicle in hand.  My dad is holding his up with both hands, right in front of his face, and my grandpa has his just in front of his stomach.  My grandpa is smiling, and he is touching his Popsicle with my dad's.  My dad is smiling and looking up at him.  It is such a sweet and tender moment.  My dad looks like such a little boy.... he's got his pants on and no shirt.  I can feel how warm it must have been outside.  

The third and last picture is in the center of the frame, and it is what I remember my grandpa looking like.  He is much older (in his late 70s into his 80s), and he is standing next to his basil.  My grandpa had a garden that he worked in a lot.  He grew tomatoes and basil.  They were the biggest tomato and basil bushes you had ever seen!  I remember so many times when I arrived, walking up the stairs to go inside, and my grandpa would be outside working in his garden.  If I found him in his garden (which happened a lot), I remember having a few minutes of just him and me before I would go in and see my grandma.  I am not sure if I have ever mentioned this before, but the following story is one of my favorites.  I remember when I was younger, maybe even in middle school, and my grandpa just loved "Miracle-Gro".  He wrote a note to them about how great their product is, and he sent a picture of himself in his garden.  If I remember correctly, they wrote back, and even sent him some products?  **Family:  If you are reading this, and have time, please let me know exactly what happened.  The details are getting fuzzy in my mind.**  In any case, he sent a picture that was very similar to this one in my picture frame.  He is smiling in this picture, and he's got his suspenders on with his plaid short sleeve shirt.  This makes me miss him.

I was thinking about him quite a bit yesterday and thinking how I have these three pictures of him that reflect the changes in his life.  The first one when he started out in his life with my grandma; the second one where he's a dad; the last one showing him doing what he loves: tending his garden.

May we all reflect on our loved ones and instead of being sad they are gone, may we keep their memory alive by smiling and laughing about the good times we've had.  It is good to cry, but through my tears, I try to remember how great I felt during the times we spent together.  I am so thankful for him and how he made me feel.  He always made me feel like I was important and that he always wanted to hear what I had to say.  God bless him for that.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

My Favorite Movie

Santa was really good to me this year.  I got one of my favorite movies of all time, "Sergeant York".  It's a true story about a man named Alvin York who was a World War I hero.  In the beginning of the movie, it shows him as an unruly young man: drinking and causing trouble.  Then, he sobers up, finds God, and is drafted to war.  He is a conscientious objector because of the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill."  He is denied and sent to war anyways.  During his boot-camp he is treated poorly because the officers thought that all conscientious objectors were cowards.  The officers were surprised that he was very comfortable with rifles and was an excellent shooter (hit the bullseye everytime!).  His commanding officer called Alvin into his office and asked him about his conscientious objection.  Alvin and two of his officers had a talk about scripture, and they were discussing and going back and forth about it: Alvin saying the bible states killing is a sin, and the officers saying that the bible justifies it in times of war.  One of the officers told him he could go home and for a few days to try and figure it out.  He said that if he went home and still came back a concientious objector, they would let him go home.  Alvin went back in the hills of his home, but did not actually see anyone he knew.  He brought his bible and found the following scripture, "They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto  Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s." (Matthew 22:21).  Okay, so I am still a little unclear about the meaning of this particular scripture, but Alvin decides to go back and fight for his country.  There is one battle where he and about six or seven others take over 100 German prisoners.  He thought that by taken them all prisoners he was saving more lives than killing.  After the war he came home and was awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.  Alvin was given so much attention, recognition, and even offers from Hollywood.  He was very appreciative, but he also just wanted to go home.  He did just that, back in the sticks in Tennessee, and was very happy.

I don't know why I love this movie so much.  I loved it so much as a kid, too.  I think it may be because when I was little I thought my dad looked like Gary Cooper (who played Alvin York).  Also, I loved the way they talked.  They were country folk, and talked very differently.  As an adult, I think I have continued to like it because I enjoy war history.  I have never read the book, so I don't now a whole lot outside of the movie.  The movie also may have changed a few things here and there, but I know they got the big important stuff right.  Before I got married, I took a day to get all of our favors for the guests ready, and I remember watching this movie for the first time in years while I did it.  Our favors were very simple, so I thought I'd be done very quickly, but I ended up watching the movie twice while I did it.  I'm glad my husband likes this movie, too, because I plan on watching it again very soon!

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...

Ringing in 2012 and Thinking of Italy

Happy New Year to all!  And a belated Merry Christmas!  This past week has been a busy one, and I'm still cattywampus with my schedule.  I missed my blog on Tuesday because I was out of town, so I decided to do it today on New Years Eve. 

Here is an update: my grandpa is feeling much better and was sent home in the middle of last week.  That was quite a relief!  Thank you to everyone who had him (and us) in your thoughts and prayers.  It is greatly appreciated.

As the new year is quickly approaching, I am reflecting on the past year (and my whole life).  I know that I have touched in previous blogs about how I feel very blessed and lucky to be me.  I am grateful for my blessings, and believe it or not, I am also grateful for my hardships.  While I am experience something difficult, I try to remember that enduring hard times can be the greatest learning experiences.  It is not easy to remember this in the moment, but I hope to be able to do that more often in the future.

I am a person who likes New Years Resolutions.  I like to do ones that are attainable.  I learned some time ago to set up smaller goals so that when I reach them I will feel proud of myself.  To be completely honest, I can't even remember my resolution from this year.  I think my New Years Resolution for 2012 is to learn how to handle stress a little better.  I don't think I am a stressful person, but when stress comes my way, I sometimes feel overwhelmed.  Maybe I will join a Yoga class?  Maybe I will meditate?  Who knows? 

A few days ago, I was thinking about a trip I had in Italy with my husband in October 2010.  We were attending a wedding of my cousin who lives there and it was a trip and an experience of a LIFETIME!  I learned some Italian before we went, and I have many wonderful memories.  I was thinking of one in particular last week, and it always brings me a warm feeling.  I will share it with you now:

It was the second to our last night in Italy, and my husband and I were out to dinner with our relatives.  I have two cousins who speak English, and they were angels!  They were translating for us the whole time, and I did my best with the little Italian I knew.  After dinner was done, my cousins husband gave us a ride home.  He spoke Italian and knew just a little English, and with my little Italian, we were able to communicate just fine.  By that time, we had been around the Italian language so much that the language barrier for the ten minute ride to our hotel was not uncomfortable.  This was because we were treated so well and with such kindness.  On the ride, the greatest thing happened.  He and I were able to communicate!  My Italian had grown and it was a wonderful feeling.  At one point, he asked my husband a question, and they were waiting for me to translate.  Well, I didn't understand what he asked, and I laughed and said, "Come si dice 'I don't know?' in Italiano?" ("How do you say, 'I don't know?' in Italian?).  We all laughed.  I was sitting in the back seat, and my husband was sitting in the front.  My cousins husband had a big smile on his face, looked over at my husband, took his hand, lifted it up and squeezed it.  This was a special moment because we all knew that what he was saying to my husband was, "Hey man, it's all good."  In America, men don't touch each other besides a handshake or a very hard hug with a slap on the back.  A lot of times when I see this, I usually think to myslef, "Ouch!"  I saw in Italy that men aren't as hesitant to show affection.  I don't think I have ever seen an American man hold another man's hand in that way, yet it was still a masculine gesture of kindness.  When this moment happened, I found it so touching that tears came to my eyes.  It was such a quick moment, but also incredibly moving and memorable.  They say a picture says a thousand words.  This is a picture in my mind that says ten thousand words, and they all make me feel so happy.  I can't wait to go back someday.

Happy New Year!  Buon Anno!

Happy Saturday to you and yours...  Sabato Felice per voi e la vostra...

Ciao!

A Prayer for My Grandpa

My goodness... this has been quite a week.  Before I go on, I have to note how I have noticed that I have talked about personal stories in my life, but they are rarely current.  I feel a little awkward writing in a blog about something going on that is happening "in the now", but I feel like I have to talk about this.  My grandpa is in the hospital.  He has pneumonia and needs gallbladder surgery.  He was told he needed gallbladder surgery almost a month ago now, and he had to take so many tests to make sure he could get it.  The surgeon took a long time to schedule it.  Then a few days ago he had to go into the hospital because he has pneumonia.  My grandpa is not a frail old man.  Yes, he is 83 years old, but he is active and has a lot of things to live for and to continue to do.  I saw him in the hospital yesterday, and I am happy to report that mentally he is totally "with it", but it is so hard to see him in a hospital bed.

My grandpa and I have a different way of communicating with each other.  We show each other our love by giving each other a hard time.  For example, my mom and I walked into his hospital room, and other members of our family were there, and he looked at us and said, "Who are you?"  Now... I have to admit that for a fraction of a half a second, I thought, "Oh no..." but then I saw something in his eyes that said he was kidding.  I was the first one to pipe up with a grin and said, "Don't you pull that with me!"  And he laughed.  Then as I was leaving, his nurse (who was incredibly kind and funny) was in the room.  I said to her, "You make sure you give him a hard time because he likes it."  For as long as I can remember, my grandpa has always been hard of hearing, so I had to repeat that to him, just to make sure he heard it. 

During my visit with him he had to have an echocardiogram.  For just those moments, I was the only one in the room.  A little while into it, I got to see the sonogram of his heart which was fascinating.  A few moments later, there was sound, and it sounded like a dog lapping up water.  I looked at my grandpa's face, and his back was turned away from the technician and he was mimicking the sound by pretending to lap up water like a dog.  It literally cracked me up.  I didn't want to disturb the technician so I was actually silently busting up, but I could see that he saw me smiling, and I'm sure my face was beet red.

With all of this going on, it makes me sad that it's so close to Christmas.  I am trying to stay positive, so here are a some things I am thankful for:

1. My grandpa is in no pain and seems to be relatively comfortable.

2. He's not really into the "Christmas-thing", so I hope he will not feel incredibly sad if he's still in the hospital on Christmas.

3. I am happy to see and hear our family doing such a great job taking care of his and my grandma's needs.  I know I live far away, and I want them to know how much I appreciate them all.  My mom, uncles and aunts are all showing their love for my grandpa and my grandma.  If anything, now is the time to not only show appreciation for my grandparents, but for each other.

4. I am happy that I got to see my grandpa and grandma yesterday.  I realized it on my way home that I feel like it's my mission to make people smile and/or laugh when they are feeling sad or scared.  I was able to do that for both of them yesterday.

5. I am grateful for the flexibility of the people at my work.  I will be able to take off two extra days this week so that I will be available to be spend time with and help my family.

Although I feel scared right now, I feel comfort knowing that I have a good family.  Christmas is coming on Sunday, and I know I have been thinking a lot about the Savior (especially lately).  Jesus Christ set such a great example for us to live our lives: to be kind, loving, forgiving, understanding, compassionate... the list goes on.  My grandpa and my whole family have been in my prayers a lot this week.  If you feel so inclined, please remember us in yours.

Happy Tuesday to you and yours...